I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
