I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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