My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
