I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
