You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
