Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
