make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
