I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
