were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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