I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Randomize
