sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
