I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
