sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize