Plan B is the new Plan A
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
