I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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