genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
