My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize