haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
