new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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