I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
