Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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