she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
