ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
