so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
