is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
