After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
