you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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