I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
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He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
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Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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