Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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