It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
