I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
