Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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