Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
