New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
