dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
