what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
