Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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