what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
