my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
