I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
