No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I love having hate sex.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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