I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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