I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
