There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
