Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
