apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
