OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
