i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
