I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
