My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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