just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She said her name was "party"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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