It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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