1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
