someone threw a dead crab at me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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