He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
