Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
