Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
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