you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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