I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
