If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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