You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
