words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
