I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
