cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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