the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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