I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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