You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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