This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
