I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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