you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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