The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
