If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
