if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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