Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
