Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
