Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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