yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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