i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
