just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
