If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
