eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
