I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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