Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
