pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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