What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
